I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
