I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
