i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
