If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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