I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
