I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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