And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
