Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
