Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
