I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
