Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
