I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
