so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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