She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
home. puking in laundry basket.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
