That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
