I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
