6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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