oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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