Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
