So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
