Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
