if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
