you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
