he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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