he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
