Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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