So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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