When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
