just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
