I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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