Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
