Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize