Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
