the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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