i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
