Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
