K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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