Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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