woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
