Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
