FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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