babies were throwing up all over the place
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The uberlube is also flammable
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
