; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
