How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
