Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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