they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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