You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
