i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
