He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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