two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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