Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize