Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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