So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
