I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
