something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
