I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
