Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
