So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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