i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
