So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i don't like sucking hair
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
