fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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