Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
