You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
