I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
