The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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